Keluhan ( lagi ) & DOA ..

Well, come back :))
I don't know what will I write here.
but now my feel is 'so abstract'

first of all I know doesn't people who visited my blog. but i didn't cared about it. it's make me enjoy. i can write anything without one else KNOW WHAT I WRITE!

Hah, my life is under pressure. some hell stay close with me now. i get two job and i can't control my schedule. and the result, i'm lost. wow i don't care YA! but my other teacher still give me support. but i still feel so bad with him :'( i feel guilty. "i'm sorry all. i know i can't :'("

although i know, 'winner or loser' have been setting with GOD. and people just can receive it with gracefully. the important of all is you have been working. honest, i'm not sad cause i lost but i'm sad cause i was made my parents, teacher, etc disappointed. let alone my teacher was hoping me to the winner. and that's one of many facts which make me feel so sad for NOT a while.

now I just need someone who can make my heart calm down :'( but i don't have friends I don't have anyone :'(
 Saya bukan pemeran pembantu !!
semua orang pengen perhatian, butuh diperhatiin. Emangnya gw invisible woman, apa? Gw ga minta atau ngemis2 supaya diperhatiin. I know how it works. Gw yang pertama mendekati kok, gw yang biasanya pertama menyapa, gw yang biasanya nanya2 mulai dari kabar sampe yang aneh2, gw ngasih perhatian ama lo karna menurut gw lo menarik dan menyenangkan.

Trus? Lo ga bakalan pernah nyapa gw duluan? Lo ga bakalan pernah nanya kabar gw atau apapun tentang gw? Lo ga nganggep gw cukup menarik dan menyenangkan?

Gw males dong kalo harus terus2an jadi tong sampah lo. Gw mungkin awalnya super tertarik ama cerita2 lo tapi makin kesini gw ilfil dong kalo lo bahkan ga mau tau cerita2 tentang gw. Gw ga pernah ngejudge lo macem2, males dong gw kalo gw harus berubah sifat/karakter ke apa yang dalam pandangan lo 'baik dan benar'. Apakah menurut lo salah klo gw minta jumlah perhatian yang sama dengan apa yang gw kasih ke elo?

Gw bukan pemeran pembantu yang tugasnya cuma untuk membuat cerita pemeran utamanya bersinar! Gw juga pemeran utama, kali! At least in my life. T_____T

Tuhan aku sedih. Boleh yah aku menangis.
Tuhan aku mau mengeluh.Kenapa semua pria dalam hidupku begitu Tuhan?Semuanya .m.e.n.y.a.k.i.t.k.a.n.Kalau ini cobaan, tolong Tuhan kuatkan.Kalau bukan, tolong Tuhan beri yang terbaik.Amin.